Or perhaps known unknowns…
My prayer line this has become
Feeling everything and nothing
All at the same time
A gross contradiction
Not an uncomfortable one
Tears of joy and sorrow
I lost a brother and a friend
I lost it all…
But somehow I feel like I gained it all
All at the same time
It’s explicable but inexplicable you know
Kinda like the aftermath of an epic climax
Yes that’s my primary language
I know it so well
Lest I digress
The music has been speaking to my soul…
He does give me all I want and even more…
I can’t understand why I still want to stay
In the world that is
It’s like I got the keys to the castle but
I still like living in my hut on the beach
At least just a little
I don’t want to give it all up
What if I want it again you know?
Hook ups, Cursing, the highs, Running off with a stranger
Knowingly, I am tired.
99% of me has already given up on that life
But that little red guy on my left shoulder…
Still sounds just a little appealing
But I know how it ends with him
Of course it’s fun, exciting, the men, the money, the power
Kmt. Why would anyone give that up right?
Well, it comes with the hurt, the heartache, the struggle, the hustle
But the thing is, my God gives me soo much more
And it’s free…
I don’t have to ‘pay’ anything
He has never waned on the promise he made in Deuteronomy 28
Should I just trust him?
Of course I should
To be honest, it’s scary asf
I did say my God is my only fear right?
Because I am not perfect and
I just feel like I am gonna wake up tomorrow and say f this shit
It’s just too hard…
No more self gratification
No more idle jesting
No more get up and go…well
You know what I mean
You said you wanted a King Imani
You gotta level up and be his Queen
Proverbs 31 Woman
This is it.
Not my will Lord…
But thine be done.
This is the first time I feel like I didn’t jump alone…I jumped and I feel safe. 😃 No panicking, no regrets, no why did I do this?? 😄😄 I know he doesn’t expect perfection, but I want to be perfect. Ha! Perfectly imperfect right? So as of now, I am doing it this way
1 Peter 5:7
“Cast all your cares upon him. For he cares for you. “