Perhaps I Just Like It


Getting lost that is

I think I live for those moments of uncertainty.

It seems I have a strong appetite for fucking up.

Lol! Real medz

So here goes my commentary:

I met this cool guy online, we’ve been ‘great’ friends for a few months now. As in we text often, an occasional voice call here and an occasional video call there. He is a scammer. He never denied that zeen. So I only have a number that I can reach him on whats app with. It is not  ‘callable’. So whenever we talked over the phone he’d be the one who called and it was always a private number. The dude never slips up. He’s a little sick in the head but hey so am I , so we got a long just fine.

So, I’ve been manic for the past week primarily because I was unable to sleep. Well, I cant really tell which caused which. Classic chicken and egg situation. Anyhow, I got 7 days off work from my doctor and I of course shared this with him. We were talking and I told him I just needed a break from everyone. I usually need this at least once every 3 months. Just to reset myself and maintain my sanity. I am really a loner at heart, it’s just not obvious. I didn’t want  to go home to St. Thomas, as my mom and I don’t get along well most times and she doesn’t understand my illness so while she thinks she’s showing me love she’s really just stressing me out. And stress is the last thing I need. My ‘awesome’ new friend was always telling me that I should come and chill by his place sometime cool. This time, when I shared what  was going on he was like, you can come chilax by me for a couple days man, I’ll ensure you are undisturbed and get your rest. Wow, now how fortunate am I right??? Lol. As I said, he’s stacked and lives in a fucking mansion so why not. Plus, my lack of fear also always gets me in some fucked up situations. He’s always surrounded by a posse, all well ‘strapped’. He’s never hidden those realities from me.

Now let me get  to the point.

I told him I would come from Monday, September 25- Friday the 29th. He was like yeah man you are welcome anytime. I got a call for an interview the Saturday prior, a day after I had given him the dates. I messaged him on Monday telling him about that and the fact that I wouldn’t be coming until the Wednesday. He was a little upset saying I made him cancel his plans to wait on me and I flaked. I explained again but I suppose he was having none of it. I asked him to call me and I am still waiting. lol. But here this, look how ridiculously stupid I can be.

I booked my ticket for Wednesday anyway. I mean, there were times when he disappeared for a day or two before just to ‘lay low’ or whatever so I just brushed it off as that. Plus I really really did need a mini get a way. I missed my second day of training for my new job, just to pack and get ready for my little trip. I packed a whole little pulley for 4 days. Haha. I was so ready to have as much fun as I could possibly have. I had casual wear, dinner wear, club attire, beach attire everything 😂😂 I was ready af.

Mind you, I still have not heard from this guy and I knew no one else in Montego Bay. My bus was scheduled to arrive at 6:30pm and it was dark by then. An hour before I arrived was when I started thinking about a Plan B.

I am pretty broke atm. I had about 8k in my account. A one way ticket costs approximately $3000 JMD. I had spent $500 on one of the stops to get something to eat and I was now on Airbnb filtering for places under USD $20 per night. Lo and behold I found a nice place with lots of good reviews and it had the instant booking feature! Whew! I was relieved. I did not have to sleep on the street tonight at the mercy of random strangers. Haha

It’s not that funny but I had to laugh at my own foolish decision. I found taxi men waiting, and I went with a short older gentleman. I told him the address and asked the cost. $2000 JMD. “Lol. Yeah you! How you gonna reach home bish!” 😂😂😂 I mean, I don’t know if I’m the only one who does this but I have real internal dialogue with myself. And at this point a part  of me was dying with laughter, one part was saying, “girl God has never failed you yet, why would he now. Don’t worry your pretty little head, just stay calm and solve this little problem systematically.” Well I did.

So I took the cab to the guesthouse, all was fine, Just a few mosquitos but otherwise comfortable for $18 per night and the host was great as well – he fed me 😄😄

Right  now, I have $100 JMD in pocket, Gonna empty my  account on the way to the bus to pay the taxi. My girlfriend saved the day and bought me a return ticket and it’s better to be stranded in Kingston as I know way too many people, so it’s easier to get a ride. Sighs.


A 12k lesson I could not afford…


Lesson Learnt.

I really need to start acting like a responsible adult now. 




Published by Faith

I am human patiently accepting myself. I am unapologetic about being wild, and untamed. I am always open to new things and I only accept good vibe and positive energies. I love people and life and the world is my playground. I love children, animals and elderly people. I write to express and understand my thoughts, feeling and behaviors. It's self therapy and a visualization tool. I am a selfish loner at times a very sensitive INTJ. I am an aspiring psychological disorders and consumer behavior researcher and practitioner, living with Bipolar 1.

3 thoughts on “Perhaps I Just Like It

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