Well, it’s the 1st of the last quarter of the year 2017. Here I am sitting on the chair watching my friend sleep and acknowledging the stress in my shoulders. For the queerest reason, whenever I’m stressed about anything the first physical sign is tension in my shoulders. If I’m tired my eyes and my feet hurt. Umm…
I really am writing to just review the 3/4 of the year that is behind me and then to detail the plan going forward. Let’s just say it has been a year of exploration. I tried my hand at many things and yup! I failed at many but you better believe I was successful in one thing that supersedes all the failures and stupid decisions…I learnt from the failures:
- I learnt what works for me and what doesn’t – When I do decide to embark on a new business venture, the research and written business plan must be in place. I need order in my professional and personal life in order to be successful. I am a natural stickler and I can now accept that part of me. A daily planner, 1 year plan , 5 year plan and 10 year plan is a necessity for me as that reduces my stress levels as I have realized I cannot handle any chaos in my external life as there is a perpetual storm inside my pretty little brain, one that no amount of drugs, alcohol or sex can subdue.
- I learnt that perhaps the army is not for me. – In late March and early April of this year, my application to the Jamaica Defence Force was successful and after completing the initial interview, physical, medical and written test I was among 15/40 who made to the Officer’s Selection Board held at the JDF’s Newcastle training wing. It was quite an experience. I had the flu and because I was in a depressive phase, anxiety had the best of me under tight wraps of ‘you don’t belong here’. Just like every other opportunity that presented itself while I was in depression, I performed well below par. I deliberately did not prepare a speech for the oral presentation and I did not participate in the group discussion like I would. I really took a back bench/observatory role during the OSB. The Obstacle Course was the first physical activity we did by the end of which I was known as 113 ‘the lazy one.’ Lol. I did only the minimum. I did not try to impress the Officers and I was having none of their nonsense commands. All in all, unless I can stabilize my mood, I might never be an army officer. So there’s a big mental question mark on that part of my vision board.
- I have learnt that there is indeed money in the travel industry and it is not that difficult to carve out a niche market for one’s self as the diversity of people travelling is endless and as such it would just take some additional research, strategizing and positioning. I had to quit my first venture as an independent tour guide as my mum was having none of it. Now that I will be on my own, I will definitely be restarting my venture as a travel consultant/companion.
- I have learnt that you may never get the support from the ones you love the most but you will get support from strangers who admire your passion and encourages you to pursue them wholeheartedly. I have met two new friends this year who has undoubtedly impacted my life in a profound way. I can call upon them whenever I need advice (personal/business) or just to get some encouragement or to clear my head. I honestly believe the universe sends the right people in your life just when you need them. They have been patient, kind and very supportive.
- I have learnt that mentorship is absolutely important to your success. I had gotten as far as I did because I read a lot and I am a quote collector so I have a myriad of ‘faceless mentors’. But God knew I needed some firm correction and lots of hugs and he placed 3 amazing mentors in my life. There is no doubt that I will be successful with the backbone I now have.
- I have learnt that no one will ever be perfect and no one can love you like you love you. I’ve learnt that people will only love you as much as you love yourself and they will treat you the way you treat yourself. So hey, be kind to you. Love all of you; flaws and imperfections, everything. Love you wherever you are at, not where you want to be. Because if you wait on ‘arriving’ before you love you, you will never fall in love with yourself as the perfect you is an idealistic hologram. It may never be real. So learn to celebrate yourself, to pamper yourself, to take care of your skin, your heart, to feed your own soul, mind and body, to exercise without a ‘gym buddy’, to eat right without being on a diet, to pray outside of church, to be kind when no one is watching and to just be unapologetically you, all day, every day.
- I have learnt that, where you are in life is exactly where you need to be. It may not be where you want to be but whatever you are going through you need to go through it in order to grow into your higher self. Some people don’t reach their higher selves until they are in their 30s, 40s, 50s even 60s. But that’s not the point. The point is; trust your journey because;
We think we know what’s best for our future, but God alone says, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD” (Isaiah 55:8). My plans often blow up in my face, but “the plans of the LORD stand firm forever” (Psalm 33:11).
We might think we’re in charge of where we’re going, but the Word of God says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Prov. 16:9), and “many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (Prov. 19:21).
Ok, this is too long….I started writing it last evening, went to bed at 9:15pm , woke up at 3:10am and it’s now 5:54am and I’m still not done. 😒😒 Well mi naw write no more.
So here ends another long ass commentary! 👻👻
PS. Today is day #2 of my abstinence chronicles…I will be starting a new blog just for that.
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