Proud

I always thought of myself as humble and hardworking. Now, in my period of hopelessness I realize that I really am not. Like Nebuchanezzar I was proud. I esteemed myself above many. My perceived fearlessness is predominantly because I always found a way to level the playing field in situations where I felt I needed to compete. I’d always had faith in Christ. In the midst of all my ‘troubles’ I sought God.

I never played a hypocrite though. I laid my sins on the table; I never sinned secretly and praised openly. I always acknowledged my personal struggle with infidelity in my relationship with God. In retrospect, I realize that I perhaps had always put my God in a humiliating position by always sharing his spotlight in my life with ‘the enemy’.

I owned my sins. They were no longer bitter to taste. I quieted the voice of God athe epitome of a perpetually lukewarm Christian.

I am a Christian, unworthy of his grace and mercy.