You were my father,
There when mommy couldn’t be.
I heard your unspoken words.
When you did speak,
Sam Smith’s “Lay Me Down”
Just hits me.
I miss you.
Sometimes, I just need the comfort your few words gave;
“It’s going to get better cuz.”
“You have nothing to be afraid of.”
“You got the brains, I know you’ll take care of the family when I’m gone.”
I wasn’t ready. 😭
I just wasn’t.
It’s been 5 years.
I didn’t cried then…
I had to be strong,
And you never liked to see us crying.
You couldn’t bare it.
I had to see to it that the last time you saw me,
And I you,
You saw me smiling and happy.
Who am I going to show my trophies to now?
I haven’t celebrated academics since…
I wrote your Eulogy eloquently.
I delivered it with poise.
Not a tear shed.
I refused to mourn you.
I suppose now is as good a time as any right?
You took care of everyone…
I just wished I could’ve taken care of you.
Fight for you.
Killed for you too.
You said, “Cuz I live by the gun, I know I’m gonna die by it.”
That was meant to be comforting I had supposed.
How then could I cry when I heard?
I feel like you knew…
I was always with you.
Every other year, we sold together.
We ran the shop TOGETHER.
Why didn’t you ask me this year I asked?
“I can manage this year. Stay with your mom.”
Stay with your mom.
😭 I wasn’t ready.
I didn’t breathe for a long, long time…
I was drowning.
All with an unbreakable smile.
Sometimes for hours.
You’d just let me talk, and talk and talk…
You said,” I know you will do it cuz.
I know you will.
You are smart.”
Still doing it.
You should’ve seen me in my Wallabees
Your gift to me for passing my CXCs.
“You deserve only the best Kay.
And as long as I’m here you’ll get it.
You just keep working hard.”
That was only the beginning.
I hope you can hear me…
I miss you.
I really do miss you.
You taught me to be fearless,
To stand up for what I believed in,
To believe in myself,
To take care of my family.
You taught me to fight.
And to kill if needs be.
I think I was the only one that admired your rage.
To me, you were powerful.
Your callousness was endearing.
I loved it.
I loved you.
I guess that’s why I like bad boys 🙈🙈
Take care of you cuz.
I’m taking care of me
And no worries,
I got the family too.