I haven’t blogged in a minute right? I know. Fam, there is so much going on yet nothing is. It’s not hard to explain so here goes. I celebrated my 24th birthday a few days ago and for me, 2018 has been a chrysalis. It has been an exfoliating process of scrapping away old things and coming into my newness. I shall forever remember it as my year of becoming. If you have been keeping up with all my musings either here, on on my social media @Faith2040 you will have heard or read it many a times that I intend to become a successful business woman, scholar and nation builder. Every move I make, every decision I take is guided by this or these goals. I want this/these with all my soul. Well, my inner self, or better yet, my higher self has been on some serious meditations lately. I have been reevaluating all of my relationships, my spending habits, my work habits/schedule, my exercise and eating, everything fam.
I have been reviewing said primarily in this last quarter of the year and let me tell you, someone needs to bootstrap. I need to make more higher self decisions. I know it is easy to say that we are always our biggest critics but we must also strive to remain true to ourselves. I won’t quote figures here, but I have been woefully irresponsible fiscally; Uber, Amazon followed by McDonald’s got a huge percentage of my earnings this quarter and truth be told, I can’t look myself in the mirror and discuss the opportunity costs. There need not be such a discussion because I know these were not decisions made in the best interest of my long term goals.
Well, this conversation with self was necessary and I have been avoiding said for days. I know what I am doing and how it is quite literally going against everything I want for myself and today, now, I am looking myself in the proverbial mirror and starting right here.
Faith; you can do better, you will do better.
That’s it. No lengthy speech about how, because we have had this discussion before. Now, you can no longer use the “I am young” Get out of jail free card. Enough with that. We are adults now. And truthfully, this time when I said “we” I am talking to me and my selves; Anxiety, Depression, Mania and I; Faith.
As I must have mentioned before, I decided about a month ago to personify my “symptoms”. The dissociation has been helping me to remember that I exist aside from them and it helps me to nurture all these parts of me while remaining grounded in my truth, grounded in me; Faith.
So, some might call this a new years resolution; I’d rather not. I have already started making the necessary mental adjustments. Withering the relationships that need to be starved and nurturing the ones that need to be watered. I have put measures in place to curtail the impulsive Mania, I have briefed Anxiety about the current modus operandi and she is allowed to stay in with Depression while Faith goes out and slay. I carry along Mania all the time for she is sexy, confident, determined, strong willed, and motivated. Most of my creativity is done when we are in sync and working together and I really appreciate her for said. I suppose it is just a matter of practicing some self discipline.
I am considering readopting some of my old practices from my days as a religious person:
- Pray without ceasing – working in a Muslim household has reminded me that I am praying woman and I never did anything without consulting God. I’d put him in front of my days, thank him for my blessings through the day and thank him for the strength and capacity to fulfill my day successfully. And hey, my hims cold easily be replaced by hers. I just prefer to say him having been raised to believe said.
- Fasting – I use to fast every Wednesday for many years. I can honestly say that fasting and prayer works. So I will resume said.
Additional habits that I want to readopt from my younger years are;
- Scheduling – I loved to schedule my days. It helped me to feel more in control and accomplished when I could tick things off my todo list. My High School Principal introduced me to this habit when I was in lower 6th form; 17 years old and the Student’s Council President who was also on the School’s Quiz team and juggling multiple co-curricular activities plus my responsibilities at home. I can’t say it was perfect but it was definitely effective.
- Co-curricular activities – I always had a very active life outside of my school and home obligations. I was involved in fun and philanthropic activities. I would like to find at least one thing that I am not rewarded for to do outside of my home and work that I enjoy.
Well, I’ll just cap it there for now. Let’s see how this goes. I will be celebrating Kwanzaa this year. I may share some more on that in a future blog post. Until then, happy 2018! And see you in 2019. I pray for a successful year for us all! Cheers! 🥂
P.S. Don’t forget; to #dweetfraid to #faithit & to #chiselon (besos y abrazos)