What if?

I always say that if I were to die right now I can die peacefully knowing that I LIVED. I took life by the horns and I rode this motherfucker. I mean, I took all opportunities presented me and I sought out new ones. I gave it my best shot. That’s just who I am. A gentle fervency.

You know, I love fast and I love hard. I don’t always say it though, I wait, but I show it. If we were to go by the 5 Love Languages I’d say my primary love language is physical touch, then quality time, followed by acts of service. They say we learn to love from our parents and if I were to dissect my own upbringing I’d say for most of my life I felt most loved by my Dad, as he would always show his affection through hugs, kisses and spending quality time with me. I felt adored and it has had a significant impact on my self perception. It was later in life when I became quite sickly that I learnt to understand and accept the way my mom shows love; her acts of service. She would try all sorts of remedies to make me healthy, she would wake up and make me lunch and beet juice because it was thought I had low blood pressure and a low blood count. I remember vividly how she cried and slapped my cheeks for almost half and hour non stop all the way to the hospital when I first fainted at home 😄 Sounds painful and it was, but I now know it was love. She did everything to make me comfortable when I was weak, she prayed and fasted with me night and day. Yeah that’s my mom. She might not say the words “I love you very often” but she definitely shows it.

Well, I am reflecting on love today because of where my heart is. I am hurt and torn and disappointed in myself. I have done some really dangerous things in the name of “fun” and “yolo”. I don’t know that I regret these decisions but I think I often forget that all actions have consequences and that sometimes these consequences may be lifelong. Well, I learnt. Or I am learning.

I feel like it’s just like lending money to someone. Don’t do it unless you can afford to lose it. Any money at all, do not gift or lend or invest it unless it is money you can afford to lose. Same thing with life and having fun. Unless you can live with the worst case scenario don’t do that thing.

I try not to write in absolutes but as I did this time, I implore you to take it with a grain of salt. Use your own critical thinking skills to decide if it makes sense.

Withmuch love!

– Faith

P.S. Keep on #faithinit and #chiselon ❤️😘

Published by Faith

I am human patiently accepting myself. I am unapologetic about being wild, and untamed. I am always open to new things and I only accept good vibe and positive energies. I love people and life and the world is my playground. I love children, animals and elderly people. I write to express and understand my thoughts, feeling and behaviors. It's self therapy and a visualization tool. I am a selfish loner at times a very sensitive INTJ. I am an aspiring psychological disorders and consumer behavior researcher and practitioner, living with Bipolar 1.

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