Near Death August

And I don’t mean mine; not this time at least. I survived August. I stayed out of prison πŸ˜„. I say this while laughing but God knows it was no joke. I had the most cruel thing I can imagine being done to me by a friend, a confidant done to me. I trusted this person with all my vulnerabilities and boy did that backfire.

Lesson here; you can only rely on yourself so you better be reliable.

Me? I’m never trusting anyone like that again. And I’m not the type to say never but I know wholeheartedly that I can never give anyone the power to hurt me like that again. I allowed this person and the situation to take control of my facilities for the better part of 2 weeks. I was a crying angry mess. Had I the money to fly to where the person lived they would be a dead person and I would be behind bars and what would that have accomplished? Not a damn thing.

I contemplated many a days to voluntarily check myself in to a hospital to get some additional help because I was truly struggling. I had been stable for the most part, taking my medication religiously, eating right and exercising, maintaining good rapport with my support system. I was doing well. Then I got a swift, heavy blow that knocked me off my feet. I was furious, but most of all I was hurt. I felt stupid to have put so much trust in a “stranger” why? Because they trusted me at a time when I needed it. They welcomed me into their family and stood up for me at the expense of losing their own family. I was proud to call them friend. And that, that’s why it was so hard on me.

Well, I survived. I lived to tell the tale. I just want to thank the universe for an amazing support system of friends and family who were there for me throughout this ordeal. I am so grateful for my friend Pudi who listened to me rant over and over and over again and he never complained. I am so so grateful for our friendship.

For those who prayed for and with me during this difficult time; thank you.

For those who encouraged me to remember all I have been through in the past and that I survived those, I applaud you.

I was resilient. I persevered. I am alive and happy not because things worked out but because I didn’t cave in to my illness. I survived.

So I encourage you today to dig deep; find the courage within to love, to live and to dream. Your feelings are valid but do not let them control you.

#dweetfraid #chiselon #faithinit

With much love,

Faith β€οΈπŸ˜‡

Published by Faith

I am human patiently accepting myself. I am unapologetic about being wild, and untamed. I am always open to new things and I only accept good vibe and positive energies. I love people and life and the world is my playground. I love children, animals and elderly people. I write to express and understand my thoughts, feeling and behaviors. It's self therapy and a visualization tool. I am a selfish loner at times a very sensitive INTJ. I am an aspiring psychological disorders and consumer behavior researcher and practitioner, living with Bipolar 1.

2 thoughts on “Near Death August

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: