Well, the last time I wrote a post with this title was in early 2018. I was a graduate student in my very first semester and had just been diagnosed a few months prior and if you have had experiences with psychiatry and treating mental illnesses I think we can agree that it’s a major experiment.
Not to shit on the practice but because the very nature of the illness cannot really be quantified or be made visible/ tangible, doctors pretty much roll the dices and write you a prescription based on your symptoms and truthfully it’s a gamble, a real hit or miss. I can’t really say how I have survived these past few years since, I often forget chunks of myself these days and perhaps that is the reason why I journal so intensely.
My experience with suicidality isn’t novel in anyway, I have reconciled that no matter how my life is going this thanatos will always be ever present. I genuinely applaud those of us who live life as full as we can all while going to bed with this desire. By the way, let’s just get it out there that the shut down and quarantine was great for my mental health