Contentment I mean. As we close this chapter of our stories, I know it has been difficult for some, or even most of us. I want to let you know that it’s ok. You made it this far and you have good health; or good enough. You have access to the internet; which is a reprieve for most and broadens our horizons and capacity to share and learn so much from each other.
I am happy you made it to today. For those of us who live with suicidality, I am very happy that you made it to today and I pray you have the courage to make it to tomorrow. I want to remind you that it’s ok to live like this. By this, I mean to focus only on what’s immediately in front of you. It’s ok to take baby steps, to take life one breath at a time, one footstep at a time, one day at a time. It’s ok. I want to remind you that while others are excitable or contrarily supremely pessimistic or cautious for the new year you do not have be either. I want to remind you that it’s ok to stand in between, to be neither good nor bad, to be neither leftist or right winged, to be neither a sinner nor a saint, to be neither happy nor sad.
Yes, that my friend is perfectly acceptable and I am here to remind you that contentment is no less than happiness. That you don’t have to smile all the time, or be cheerful. I want to remind you that you don’t have to be nice, or fun to be around haha. I find great pleasure in writing to you as I do myself. For as I remind you of these things I also remind me. I am quite content with my life as it is presently. I am supremely grateful for all my blessings and I am happy that absolutely nothing feels mundane and just being able to write this feels very privileged as not only do I have the means to; internet, a fully functional laptop, peace and quiet, clean air, a full stomach, lots of comfortable space, TIME! and the cognitive capabilities to form these thoughts and express them. Can you imagine not having these things? Well, that’s the reality for many. Many my age will have lived and died never having access to these things and I honour them. I am privileged and it’s likely that you reading this are too. Perhaps not in the same way that I am, but I am positive that if you take a moment to take stock of your life, you will have found that you my friend are blessed.
I am happy and grateful that I have this avenue to share my thoughts for I do not talk much with others most days; truthfully I don’t quite enjoy it and I have made peace with the fact that I prefer pen to paper and journaling than talking with most other folks I have met. I accept that this is no fault of me nor them but some of us humans are just like this. When I talk of my ambitions to live on a ranch; a huge sustainable farm where I do not have to hear nor see any neighbours by chance some laugh and that’s ok haha. It’s truly what I want and what I am working towards.
I find it incredibly beautiful that even though I enjoy relative isolation I can still feel connected to the world and others through the World Wide Web. I feel as though the literary arts and other art forms and the ability to share almost instantaneously is a blessing in this era especially so for the introverted. I like that there is no pressure to interact and I like that I get to read your thoughts too. You who I may never meet but because of this medium I get a glimpse into your soul.
Thank you all for reading my musings and for sharing yours. It’s truly a pleasure. Isn’t it beautiful?
As we close this chapter and start another, please, do not feel pressured to title it before you start, the best titles are chosen long after the chapter has ended. I love you, stay safe, and relatively sane haha and protect your peace in 2021.
x Besos y Brazos