Sometimes I think wearing it on my forehead would prompt the world to be a little kinder, a little more gentle, a little more loving…I don’t know.
Today is one of my bad days; living with #bipolar disorder 1 can be a living nightmare sometimes. Over the past month I have been doing everything I can to hold myself up; to stand upright in the whirlwind of my life. I don’t want to cower and whimper and make myself small as I have in recent years. I don’t want depression to take my voice away this year. I don’t want depression to make me numb this year. I don’t want depression to isolate me this year. I don’t want to feel as though I am at the mercy of my thoughts and moods and not them me.
This year I’ve resolved to fight back, to not just audibly tell the voice in my head that only I hear to “shut up” but to bend it into submission; to me.
Though I’ve left the guilt I used to feel to taking days off when I’m not well in 2020; on days like this I get a little scared that if I relent on fighting this one day, one day will become two, then become a month and 💥 before I realize I have submitted to this thing again. And #ongod I refuse to do that again.
This is my 5th year in this country and #mentalillness has robbed me of too much of my goals and while the time cannot be taken back I’m going to fight tooth and nail for the remaining years. If you know the story of the Chinese bamboo you’ll understand why this 5th year is significant to me. This is my year of exponential growth come hell or high water.