Every year since immigrating whenever someone asked if I missed home I’d tell them “Not yet, I lived there for 21 years. I’ve seen it all or at least most of it.” When they asked if I missed my family, I’d say “not really, we keep in touch and that’s enough for me.”
Well, it’s no longer enough. I miss them. I miss them terribly. I recently got pictures of my baby brother in his school attire and it just broke me. He’s so tall now. He looks so grown and I feel as though I’m missing everything. I feel stuck, trapped even…
I cried all day today. The only time I wasn’t crying was when I was sleeping. It was never supposed to go like this. Well not if I had my way. I have been trying so hard to “stay strong and trust God and my journey” so so hard. This past week I have just been crying, bawling really. How much longer am I meant to be strong? I think I deserve some softness in this lifetime. It just wasn’t supposed to go like this.
Dweet Fraid 