Contending with my Beliefs

I’m not sure of the exact reason why; but I have been contending with my beliefs lately. I’ve been ruminating constantly on needing to pray. I’d always considered myself a praying woman and lord knows I prayed countless prayers for many of the things I now have and get to enjoy. I’m feeling immensely blessed and favoured just by taking stock of my immediate environment right now. There was a time when I had to ask my neighbour to use her computer and internet…I prayed; now I own multiple devices that can access the internet and I have access to the internet in the comfort of my home. I never had a smartphone until years after they were a prominent staple of society; now I’m privileged to own smartphones; the latest technology that I love. I never had my own space for a very long time…now I have a beautiful apartment that I get to enjoy; I get to live in a quiet, calm and peaceful place. I am so so blessed.

It could be hypomania, I don’t know really but I prayed just now and it reminded me how much prayer meant to me. I’m contending with my beliefs because I no longer subscribe to any religious dogmas but I wholeheartedly believe there is a higher power and I enjoy connecting with said. I’ve spent a lot of time in meditation especially in nature of late and spending time in worship and prayer felt like a tight hug from a dear friend I haven’t seen in a long long time.

I never left my Bible in years past. It was comforting to carry it around as I moved from place to place. It was a reassuring staple on my bed or bedside table. Tonight, I’m craving the comfort of a hard copy Bible and I’m itching to go out and buy a new one and this is where my dissonance lay. Does owning a Bible make me Christian? I just don’t want to have to explain my current belief system to anyone because I’m still contending with it? Do I now not get something that will bring me comfort because I don’t want to have any uncomfortable conversations? mmmm…Well these are my musings tonight.

What would you do? And why?

I think if someone was asking me this question; I’d say to them do what’s best for you in this moment and if the conversation comes up as to why a Bible is a staple in your life if you no longer subscribe to that dogma you say
“practicing yoga doesn’t make you a monk, nor a Buddhist” Books are just that; books. Are you also a follower of the author of the book on your nightstand? I suppose not. Lastly, tell them to drink some water and mind the business that pays them.

Praying Black Woman

Published by Faith

I am human patiently accepting myself. I am unapologetic about being wild, and untamed. I am always open to new things and I only accept good vibe and positive energies. I love people and life and the world is my playground. I love children, animals and elderly people. I write to express and understand my thoughts, feeling and behaviors. It's self therapy and a visualization tool. I am a selfish loner at times a very sensitive INTJ. I am an aspiring psychological disorders and consumer behavior researcher and practitioner, living with Bipolar 1.

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