Old, Odd, Broken People

I keep trying to love all the old, odd, broken people because I feel odd and broken too and I hope someone would see the parts of me that deserve to be loved too. But alas, I see it doesn’t work like that. It only took 2.5 decades to come to this conclusion. Not longContinue reading “Old, Odd, Broken People”

My Love Wasn’t Enough…

It’s never been and may never be. Perhaps this is where inanimate love comes from; if you love something that can’t expressly love you back then you can’t be unloved right? I might try that. Love a lamp; an old broken lamp because then it’s already lost it’s light so you spare yourself that heartbreak.Continue reading “My Love Wasn’t Enough…”

Stasis

suspended…I have read that in waterbodies with high salinity it’s impossible to sink, one stays floating. I suppose that’s how I am feeling lately; stuck but. not in a trapped kinda why, but in I can’t move kinda way; not paralysis either but that I am somewhere I am to be but not sure whatContinue reading “Stasis”

Can’t I be Mad Out Loud?

Why must my madness only be palatable in eloquence? Can’t I be mad out loud? Why can’t I wear my madness in my attire? Can’t I just not shower? Not sleep on time? Not eat right? Walk straight? Nor exercise? Can’t I just be unabashedly insane for a day and still be considered well? “I’mContinue reading “Can’t I be Mad Out Loud?”

Depression Wants You to Disappear…

But you shouldn’t. Today, in my 27th year I have come to appreciate the idea of participation trophies. I used to think it was foolish and unwise to set children up with this idea that they will be rewarded even if they came in last. I thought only the winners should get trophies and thatContinue reading “Depression Wants You to Disappear…”

Contending with my Beliefs

I’m not sure of the exact reason why; but I have been contending with my beliefs lately. I’ve been ruminating constantly on needing to pray. I’d always considered myself a praying woman and lord knows I prayed countless prayers for many of the things I now have and get to enjoy. I’m feeling immensely blessedContinue reading “Contending with my Beliefs”

What if the Sun Decided She Wanted to Die

What if the sun decided she wanted to die That she was tired of showing up and how she desperately needed to cry. What if the sun was burn out Carrying a flame that seemed as though it would never run out. What if she forgoes showing up And decided to leave; seeming rather abrupt.Continue reading “What if the Sun Decided She Wanted to Die”

I Wanna Go Home

Every year since immigrating whenever someone asked if I missed home I’d tell them “Not yet, I lived there for 21 years. I’ve seen it all or at least most of it.” When they asked if I missed my family, I’d say “not really, we keep in touch and that’s enough for me.” Well, it’sContinue reading “I Wanna Go Home”

…would you tell me?

Would you? Tell me that is. If you found someone special; would you tell me? If you met someone who lights up your world; would you tell me? If you’re expecting a child would you share that with me? If you’re getting married, am I one of the persons you’d share that with? If you’reContinue reading “…would you tell me?”

Today is One of My Bad Days

Sometimes I think wearing it on my forehead would prompt the world to be a little kinder, a little more gentle, a little more loving…I don’t know. Today is one of my bad days; living with #bipolar disorder 1 can be a living nightmare sometimes. Over the past month I have been doing everything IContinue reading “Today is One of My Bad Days”

What if we could?

What if we could walk away from trauma? What if we could fly away from hurt? What if we could swim away from pain? What if we could run away from all the torturous familiarity? What if we could learn a new language that has no words that we’ve encoded in this trauma chain weContinue reading “What if we could?”

If My Love Is Hurting You

If my love is hurting youDon’t let us sit in the silenceIf my love is hurting youTell me, show me, how can we fix it?If my love is hurting youForgive me, my loveIt was never my intention to love you wrongSo baby, if my love is hurting youLet me emancipate you…go Writing prompt from IG

Travel Goals

Next year my travel goals includegoing to indigenous majority areas to immerse myself into their culture, and belief systems. As someone living with a mental illness that comes with positive symptoms (things not usually experienced by others; hallucinations, a undeniably strong connection to things that don’t talk – to others; etc) I have been encouragedContinue reading “Travel Goals”

Feelings Suck!

I like apathetic me better. Well, right now I do. I don’t know that that statement holds true all the time. Urrghhh, I’m all worked up and upset and just icky with all these feelings clutching onto my little heart. I hope they don’t take up residency. I don’t think I have anymore room forContinue reading “Feelings Suck!”

How I explain bipolarity to a neuro-typical

This was inspired by a post I just read from another blogger with bipolar disorder. When someone who doesn’t experience mental illness or bipolar disorder specifically asks me what is it like; this is what I say; Mania I tell them that for 6 months I’m highly productive, driven, outgoing and on my game. IContinue reading “How I explain bipolarity to a neuro-typical”

I Don’t Hide Anymore

I hid for the last time last week I cried for the last time in the shower Well, lemme not be hasty haha We all know life has a way of circling back on us I meant to say; I won’t hide from my loved ones anymore I’ll cry and let them sit with me.Continue reading “I Don’t Hide Anymore”