It’s My Aunties For Me

It’s my aunties for meI revere youAlways on my pedestalThere when I needed you mostYou scattered your roses right here on earthYou bent over backwards to make sure we ateNever the dependentI admired my aunties especially you two of late.I know today is your day butI hope you guys meetUp there in gloryAnd share allContinue reading “It’s My Aunties For Me”

Dear My Inner Child

I am letting go the resentment I harbour towards my parents for having 5 children in poverty and never working hard enough nor consistently enough to take care of all our basic needs and using us as beggars to the rest of the family to support us all. I’m letting go of feeling as thoughContinue reading “Dear My Inner Child”

I Want to be with Someone Who

Makes me feel secure enough to be soft Makes me feel safe enough to put my armour down, for I already destroyed my walls I want to be with someone who reveres my divine femininity and firm masculinity I want to be with someone who sees God in me I want to be with someoneContinue reading “I Want to be with Someone Who”

Home is Where the He-Art Is

They say; home is where the heart is My he-Art is always with me Within me Sometimes buried deep Sometimes right there on the surface of my chest Slightly left, towards the centre Right there; that’s my heart This is my he-art Do you feel it? Maybe, you can even see it. Strapped in rightContinue reading “Home is Where the He-Art Is”

I Still Love My Husband

As I do all my exes And as I do all the amazing people in my life. I still love my husband as a human I got to close to and want the absolute best for, I still love my husband as a person I empathize with and can show compassion towards, I still loveContinue reading “I Still Love My Husband”

Is It Only He Who Can Love Me?

I often share about how much I love myself, truthfully I’m not lacking in the self love nor loathing department lol. Lady M and Mr. D has those locked. Together we’ve found the perfect balance of “we’re good over here”. What I often contend with emotionally though is feeling or being too much for others.Continue reading “Is It Only He Who Can Love Me?”

It’s Been About A Month & A Half

It usually does this…hit me all at once…on a random day when something seemingly random happens. It triggers the feels and then suddenly I feel. I haven’t felt in months and today it feels all new and I don’t hate being bipolar or let me correct myself; having bipolar disorder. It’s been about a monthContinue reading “It’s Been About A Month & A Half”

I Wonder Why

I often watch interviews of people with disabilities who describe their challenges and how it has negatively affected their lives then at the end when asked if they could have it any other way would they and they say no I wouldn’t 😅 I often get enraged which results in uncontrollable maniacal laughter because wtf?Continue reading “I Wonder Why”

To Die A Natural Death

That’s my current goal. To live long enough to die a natural death. It’s funny how growing up no one mentioned that one of the hardest parts of living is choosing to stay alive everyday. Choosing to stay here and breathe another breath, fight another fight. It‘s sad that suicidality is such a taboo subjectContinue reading “To Die A Natural Death”

The Stability of a Pendulum

Oh how quickly one oscillates from isn’t it beautiful to this….. *Deep breath* Don’t read this if your day is cheery, as I do not wish to cast a gloom over it. I’m writing to stop my hands from hurting me. I wish it wasnt like this. But alas, if wishes were horses beggars wouldContinue reading “The Stability of a Pendulum”

What Are You Angry About?

I am not sure why I am, or what I am angry about? I’ve been getting these moments of rage almost everyday for the last 3 weeks I think. As usual, I write to figure out what’s going on inside that I am not vocalizing out loud. It’s nice writing, I don’t have to dealContinue reading “What Are You Angry About?”

The Hole

I hate it hereHere is the holeHuck’s holeDo you know Huck?Olivia Pope?The white hat?….I know, distractingAnyho, I’m not doing well but I’m still trying.I like to focus on the latter #blessed #grateful

Rapid Cycling – What it’s really like

Rapid Cycling is the worst part of this disorder. It’s exhausting; mentally and physically. I still haven’t quite figured out what triggers these episodes and I’m journaling to remain mindful so I can crack the code lol During rapid cycling I experience numerous mood swings from mania to depression. I get weepy, happy, angry, frustrated,Continue reading “Rapid Cycling – What it’s really like”

What He Should Have Said

You belong here You earned this just as much as anyone else here You are a excellent as the rest You bring value to this team You are competent in areas we are lacking and we are happy and grateful you decided to join us Instead I was told; You’re too egotistic. It’s likely yourContinue reading “What He Should Have Said”

POC

Person of Colour How is that not the same as calling me coloured? How is that not the same as labeling me; nigger The “little nigger baby” Honestly, I think knowledge of history has traumatized me I think the saying “ignorance is bliss” finally makes sense There is a reason why some folks are blissful…Continue reading “POC”

Get Over It!

Them – Get over it, it’s been X years. Me – It has been 5 generations. Only 5. My great great grandma was a slave. The remnants of slavery, colonialism and post colonial life still haunt my family and my country. Wtf do you mean “get over it?” Children were murdered in cold blood andContinue reading “Get Over It!”

Proving I’m Loveable

*Deep breath* Ok, so let’s get vulnerable. There’s this thing I have known for a while but hate to admit… I worry I’m hard to love. I know I’m easy to fall for; undoubtably. I’m gorgeous, I’m resilient, I’m highly intelligent, I’m very loving and caring. I’m the epitome of who Maya Angelou referred toContinue reading “Proving I’m Loveable”