I Wonder Why

I often watch interviews of people with disabilities who describe their challenges and how it has negatively affected their lives then at the end when asked if they could have it any other way would they and they say no I wouldn’t 😅 I often get enraged which results in uncontrollable maniacal laughter because wtf?Continue reading “I Wonder Why”

To Die A Natural Death

That’s my current goal. To live long enough to die a natural death. It’s funny how growing up no one mentioned that one of the hardest parts of living is choosing to stay alive everyday. Choosing to stay here and breathe another breath, fight another fight. It‘s sad that suicidality is such a taboo subjectContinue reading “To Die A Natural Death”

The Stability of a Pendulum

Oh how quickly one oscillates from isn’t it beautiful to this….. *Deep breath* Don’t read this if your day is cheery, as I do not wish to cast a gloom over it. I’m writing to stop my hands from hurting me. I wish it wasnt like this. But alas, if wishes were horses beggars wouldContinue reading “The Stability of a Pendulum”

What Are You Angry About?

I am not sure why I am, or what I am angry about? I’ve been getting these moments of rage almost everyday for the last 3 weeks I think. As usual, I write to figure out what’s going on inside that I am not vocalizing out loud. It’s nice writing, I don’t have to dealContinue reading “What Are You Angry About?”

The Hole

I hate it hereHere is the holeHuck’s holeDo you know Huck?Olivia Pope?The white hat?….I know, distractingAnyho, I’m not doing well but I’m still trying.I like to focus on the latter #blessed #grateful

Rapid Cycling – What it’s really like

Rapid Cycling is the worst part of this disorder. It’s exhausting; mentally and physically. I still haven’t quite figured out what triggers these episodes and I’m journaling to remain mindful so I can crack the code lol During rapid cycling I experience numerous mood swings from mania to depression. I get weepy, happy, angry, frustrated,Continue reading “Rapid Cycling – What it’s really like”

What He Should Have Said

You belong here You earned this just as much as anyone else here You are a excellent as the rest You bring value to this team You are competent in areas we are lacking and we are happy and grateful you decided to join us Instead I was told; You’re too egotistic. It’s likely yourContinue reading “What He Should Have Said”

POC

Person of Colour How is that not the same as calling me coloured? How is that not the same as labeling me; nigger The “little nigger baby” Honestly, I think knowledge of history has traumatized me I think the saying “ignorance is bliss” finally makes sense There is a reason why some folks are blissful…Continue reading “POC”

Get Over It!

Them – Get over it, it’s been X years. Me – It has been 5 generations. Only 5. My great great grandma was a slave. The remnants of slavery, colonialism and post colonial life still haunt my family and my country. Wtf do you mean “get over it?” Children were murdered in cold blood andContinue reading “Get Over It!”

Proving I’m Loveable

*Deep breath* Ok, so let’s get vulnerable. There’s this thing I have known for a while but hate to admit… I worry I’m hard to love. I know I’m easy to fall for; undoubtably. I’m gorgeous, I’m resilient, I’m highly intelligent, I’m very loving and caring. I’m the epitome of who Maya Angelou referred toContinue reading “Proving I’m Loveable”

Cold eh?

I’m cold eh? Perhaps it’s because you’re not ready for my intensity. I’m distant… Perhaps it’s depth and not width I don’t want to be cuddled…. Perhaps I don’t trust you to hold me together if I fall apart in your arms I don’t talk much….Perhaps it’s because I don’t want to talk about theContinue reading “Cold eh?”