Depression Wants You to Disappear…

But you shouldn’t. Today, in my 27th year I have come to appreciate the idea of participation trophies. I used to think it was foolish and unwise to set children up with this idea that they will be rewarded even if they came in last. I thought only the winners should get trophies and thatContinue reading “Depression Wants You to Disappear…”

I Wanna Go Home

Every year since immigrating whenever someone asked if I missed home I’d tell them “Not yet, I lived there for 21 years. I’ve seen it all or at least most of it.” When they asked if I missed my family, I’d say “not really, we keep in touch and that’s enough for me.” Well, it’sContinue reading “I Wanna Go Home”

Today is One of My Bad Days

Sometimes I think wearing it on my forehead would prompt the world to be a little kinder, a little more gentle, a little more loving…I don’t know. Today is one of my bad days; living with #bipolar disorder 1 can be a living nightmare sometimes. Over the past month I have been doing everything IContinue reading “Today is One of My Bad Days”

What if we could?

What if we could walk away from trauma? What if we could fly away from hurt? What if we could swim away from pain? What if we could run away from all the torturous familiarity? What if we could learn a new language that has no words that we’ve encoded in this trauma chain weContinue reading “What if we could?”

Travel Goals

Next year my travel goals includegoing to indigenous majority areas to immerse myself into their culture, and belief systems. As someone living with a mental illness that comes with positive symptoms (things not usually experienced by others; hallucinations, a undeniably strong connection to things that don’t talk – to others; etc) I have been encouragedContinue reading “Travel Goals”

Feelings Suck!

I like apathetic me better. Well, right now I do. I don’t know that that statement holds true all the time. Urrghhh, I’m all worked up and upset and just icky with all these feelings clutching onto my little heart. I hope they don’t take up residency. I don’t think I have anymore room forContinue reading “Feelings Suck!”

How I explain bipolarity to a neuro-typical

This was inspired by a post I just read from another blogger with bipolar disorder. When someone who doesn’t experience mental illness or bipolar disorder specifically asks me what is it like; this is what I say; Mania I tell them that for 6 months I’m highly productive, driven, outgoing and on my game. IContinue reading “How I explain bipolarity to a neuro-typical”

I Don’t Hide Anymore

I hid for the last time last week I cried for the last time in the shower Well, lemme not be hasty haha We all know life has a way of circling back on us I meant to say; I won’t hide from my loved ones anymore I’ll cry and let them sit with me.Continue reading “I Don’t Hide Anymore”

You Deserve It

You know; that someone who makes a fuss over ya That person who thinks everyday with you is a special day That person who thinks you’re the sunshine on a cold winter day That person who thinks you’re the breeze on a hot day in the tropics That person who feels like the sun; likeContinue reading “You Deserve It”

Reclaiming My Leisure

Since August of this year I have gone back into business for myself full time and it has required being constantly on the go, always taking calls and replying to messages, keeping up with content on the social media pages and just being available all the time to my clients. I don’t like it. There.Continue reading “Reclaiming My Leisure”

B.B.A – Body Before Antipsychotics

Can we agree to stop telling people they have gained weight? Do we really think others don’t look in the mirror and know that they have been getting fatter? Do we think that they believe their clothes are shrinking and not that they are expanding? Sighs, listen; I’m so so grateful to this body forContinue reading “B.B.A – Body Before Antipsychotics”

Dear My Inner Child

I am letting go the resentment I harbour towards my parents for having 5 children in poverty and never working hard enough nor consistently enough to take care of all our basic needs and using us as beggars to the rest of the family to support us all. I’m letting go of feeling as thoughContinue reading “Dear My Inner Child”

I Still Love My Husband

As I do all my exes And as I do all the amazing people in my life. I still love my husband as a human I got to close to and want the absolute best for, I still love my husband as a person I empathize with and can show compassion towards, I still loveContinue reading “I Still Love My Husband”

Is It Only He Who Can Love Me?

I often share about how much I love myself, truthfully I’m not lacking in the self love nor loathing department lol. Lady M and Mr. D has those locked. Together we’ve found the perfect balance of “we’re good over here”. What I often contend with emotionally though is feeling or being too much for others.Continue reading “Is It Only He Who Can Love Me?”

It’s Been About A Month & A Half

It usually does this…hit me all at once…on a random day when something seemingly random happens. It triggers the feels and then suddenly I feel. I haven’t felt in months and today it feels all new and I don’t hate being bipolar or let me correct myself; having bipolar disorder. It’s been about a monthContinue reading “It’s Been About A Month & A Half”

I Wonder Why

I often watch interviews of people with disabilities who describe their challenges and how it has negatively affected their lives then at the end when asked if they could have it any other way would they and they say no I wouldn’t 😅 I often get enraged which results in uncontrollable maniacal laughter because wtf?Continue reading “I Wonder Why”

To Die A Natural Death

That’s my current goal. To live long enough to die a natural death. It’s funny how growing up no one mentioned that one of the hardest parts of living is choosing to stay alive everyday. Choosing to stay here and breathe another breath, fight another fight. It‘s sad that suicidality is such a taboo subjectContinue reading “To Die A Natural Death”

Human Hibernation

I used to think that depression meant I didn’t get anything done, anything worthwhile that is. But that’s not true, for one, I stay alive (biggest accomplishment 😌) and according to my track record – aka my journal I stay the course of whatever it is I am working on I just slow down considerably,Continue reading “Human Hibernation”

What Are You Angry About?

I am not sure why I am, or what I am angry about? I’ve been getting these moments of rage almost everyday for the last 3 weeks I think. As usual, I write to figure out what’s going on inside that I am not vocalizing out loud. It’s nice writing, I don’t have to dealContinue reading “What Are You Angry About?”